“Fête-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

If you have to travel a long way for a wedding (fly, put yourself up, etc.), it is ever OK to skimp on or skip the gift?  I mean, the costs add up!

Dear Blue Traveler,

Yes.  Just because your friends are high rollers doesn’t mean you are too!  The bride and groom might think that they are doing you a favor by giving you the opportunity to travel to Maui…or Peoria, but they also have to understand that you are sacrificing a great deal to be there on their wedding day.  Your vacation days and your hard earned income (assuming you are one of the lucky ones to have a job in this economy) are clearly not limitless, nor is your expected financial expenditure for the sake of their union.

If the airfare and hotel room haven’t broken your bank, and you still have some cash to spare for a gift, it’s okay to opt for the coffee maker, as opposed to the Versace china place setting.  And if there is nothing reasonable on their registry that is within your means, do something small and thoughtful—e.g. customized his and her flip flops if it’s a beach destination, or a map and a compass for their Parisian honeymoon.  Above all, they should understand and appreciate that your presence is a present of the most meaningful sort.

“Fete-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

A friend of mine rescinded the offer of bridesmaidship to a friend because she didn’t like the girl’s new haircut.  Ok, in this case the bridesmaid-to-be shaved her head and got kicked out of the wedding party.  Is this understandable or rude as hell?

Dear Blackballed for being Bald,

Let’s remember the purpose of a bridesmaid: to support the bride, be happy for her, help her to alleviate stressful moments, celebrate with her.  Along with that comes the aesthetic aspect of dressing the dictated part—the sometimes-dreaded dress, the shoes, the makeup, the hair, or in this instance the lack thereof.

As with so many other predicaments in life, it helps to examine people’s intentions, not just the action.  Could baldy have decided to shave her head to make a statement? Or maybe she was an eccentric type all along, and the bride should have been prepared for anything?  If it is an instance of the former, maybe it’s a good idea not to have baldy in the wedding party—the head-shave could just be a precursor to all sorts of wedding day shenanigans.  And perhaps there was an impending rift in their friendship that was brewing way before she busted out the clippers.  If it’s a case of the latter, know who your friends are, and choose to love them in spite of their style choices, or don’t and accept the consequences!

Alexis and I recently styled a photo shoot that was featured on Style Me Pretty with a great group of vendors!  We wanted to capture some elements reminiscent of our city in the design– Victorian architecture, diverse color, the California Gold Rush, and the natural beauty of the area, all with a modern twist.  The goal was to showcase charming details reminiscent of San Francisco mixed with the easy-going elegance that our local brides strive for.

The seating area

The dining table

The dessert station

It was a fun process but we definitely had our challenges……..

We decided to shoot at an outdoor location and chose a park on Bay Street in San Francisco that was near Alexis’ apartment.  Alexis walked by the park early in the morning on the day of the shoot and it appeared as if a homeless person decided to have their own shoot that day.  Luckily, everything was cleared out before we arrived.

This is what Alexis saw-- almost unbelievable!!!

The second challenge was the wind…..it was really blowing!  Duck tape was our friend.

Heather, the caterer, prepared to grab objects in case of a wind gust.

Lydia, the florist, working on some last minute details

Alexis getting the bride's shoes ready to place in the seating area

We’d love you to check out our feature on Style Me Pretty and let us know what you think!

“Fete-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

Question: I’m most bugged by RSVP etiquette or lack thereof.  People either never decide or they decide at the last minute causing a lot of uncertainty for the host.  On the other hand, sometimes you really don’t know what your plans are and then the proverbial maybe–is that better or worse?
Also, how many days before the event is appropriate to send invites-probably different for different event types?

-RSVPeaved

Dear RSVPeaved,

Remember when we didn’t have cell phones and email, and we had to do things like send paper invitations, or call the host (from your rotary phone perhaps?) to rsvp to a party?  And you HAD to honor your response because there was none of this technology to allow us to be so flaky, I mean flexible.  Evites have allowed us to be ambivalent because we don’t take them that seriously.  The virtual world has managed to diminish the sincerity of our actions, and has given us the latitude to be noncommittal.  Our reply can change with a whim and a click and ta-da!  Oh, something else has come up, well, I only clicked ‘yes’, so I don’t have to go to Martha’s Going Away Party.

For the frustrated host/ess:  We learned a young age that certain actions have inevitable bad results, and we didn’t even bother to tempt fate.  For example, if you don’t heed the warning on your hairdyer’s tag, and you use it in the bathtub, you’ll probably meet your demise.  If you stare at the sun you will go blind.  If you don’t wait 30 minutes after eating before you go swimming, you will get a massive, debilitating stomach ache.  Yet time after time, we refuse to embrace the fact that if you send an evite you will get “yes’es” that don’t show up, and “maybes” who are waiting for a better option, and then you will be annoyed.  When will we learn that trying to change people’s behavior is about as fruitless as trying to change the weather?  However, there is a way around this mountain.  We can try to guide our friends in the right direction by resetting the rules–a little good old fashioned passive aggression!  If you are taking the time to plan an event, and you want committed responses, take a little trip back in time, bust out the old pen and paper and send invitations in the mail.  You can still send a save the date email to alert your guests that a real invitation will arrive in their mailbox.  And for those really difficult ones who refuse to follow you back to the civilized 1980’s (so difficult!) you can send them gently-harassing follow-up emails, just to ‘make sure your invitation didn’t get mixed up in a pile of bills…or…something’.

Save-the-dates can also help to ameliorate the flake factor.  For a wedding or similar formal event, 6-12 months is preferable, especially if guests will have to travel.  Invitations can follow 6-8 weeks prior to the event, and be sure to ask that your guests reply by three weeks prior to the event.

For the flaky guest: If you are truly not sure if you can attend an event, decline as a courtesy.  There is nothing worse than an empty chair at the dinner table.  Keep in mind that if it is a catered affair, your friend is likely paying per person, so if you don’t show up, there goes $100!  But if the best case scenario happens and you can attend, let the host/ess know that things have changed and you’re so happy that you can make it but you also understand that it could throw a wrench in their carefully crafted and well-planned event.  Showing up at the last minute would be sort of awkward for all as your friend tries to wedge you in between the odd uncle and the awkward co-worker.

What: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

Why: As event planners, we advise clients on every aspect of an event, including etiquette, and the relentless effort to navigate their way through this gray area where tradition meets technology and our society’s changing rules and paradigms.  With the advent of email, facebook, twitter etc. we are more ‘connected’ to one another but also more disconnected and casual in our relationships, and everyday manners have gone by the wayside as we tag, tweet, comment and post our way through our virtual lives.  There is a demand for a reinterpretation of ‘the rules’ in this new age.

How: We are not Emily Post, nor are we trying to be.  And we may have a slip-up here and there–we are human after all.  But we certainly have our fair share of stories (delightful and horrific) to share.  So, be on the look out for our fete-i-quette posts, and be sure to submit your questions or experiences to blog@nonpareilevents.com