“Fete-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

Question: I’m most bugged by RSVP etiquette or lack thereof.  People either never decide or they decide at the last minute causing a lot of uncertainty for the host.  On the other hand, sometimes you really don’t know what your plans are and then the proverbial maybe–is that better or worse?
Also, how many days before the event is appropriate to send invites-probably different for different event types?

-RSVPeaved

Dear RSVPeaved,

Remember when we didn’t have cell phones and email, and we had to do things like send paper invitations, or call the host (from your rotary phone perhaps?) to rsvp to a party?  And you HAD to honor your response because there was none of this technology to allow us to be so flaky, I mean flexible.  Evites have allowed us to be ambivalent because we don’t take them that seriously.  The virtual world has managed to diminish the sincerity of our actions, and has given us the latitude to be noncommittal.  Our reply can change with a whim and a click and ta-da!  Oh, something else has come up, well, I only clicked ‘yes’, so I don’t have to go to Martha’s Going Away Party.

For the frustrated host/ess:  We learned a young age that certain actions have inevitable bad results, and we didn’t even bother to tempt fate.  For example, if you don’t heed the warning on your hairdyer’s tag, and you use it in the bathtub, you’ll probably meet your demise.  If you stare at the sun you will go blind.  If you don’t wait 30 minutes after eating before you go swimming, you will get a massive, debilitating stomach ache.  Yet time after time, we refuse to embrace the fact that if you send an evite you will get “yes’es” that don’t show up, and “maybes” who are waiting for a better option, and then you will be annoyed.  When will we learn that trying to change people’s behavior is about as fruitless as trying to change the weather?  However, there is a way around this mountain.  We can try to guide our friends in the right direction by resetting the rules–a little good old fashioned passive aggression!  If you are taking the time to plan an event, and you want committed responses, take a little trip back in time, bust out the old pen and paper and send invitations in the mail.  You can still send a save the date email to alert your guests that a real invitation will arrive in their mailbox.  And for those really difficult ones who refuse to follow you back to the civilized 1980’s (so difficult!) you can send them gently-harassing follow-up emails, just to ‘make sure your invitation didn’t get mixed up in a pile of bills…or…something’.

Save-the-dates can also help to ameliorate the flake factor.  For a wedding or similar formal event, 6-12 months is preferable, especially if guests will have to travel.  Invitations can follow 6-8 weeks prior to the event, and be sure to ask that your guests reply by three weeks prior to the event.

For the flaky guest: If you are truly not sure if you can attend an event, decline as a courtesy.  There is nothing worse than an empty chair at the dinner table.  Keep in mind that if it is a catered affair, your friend is likely paying per person, so if you don’t show up, there goes $100!  But if the best case scenario happens and you can attend, let the host/ess know that things have changed and you’re so happy that you can make it but you also understand that it could throw a wrench in their carefully crafted and well-planned event.  Showing up at the last minute would be sort of awkward for all as your friend tries to wedge you in between the odd uncle and the awkward co-worker.

Bridesmaid gifts can be tough.  You want to give your girls something that they will cherish forever–and to thank them for standing up there, supporting you…in a dress which will probably end up in their closets’ abyss of taffeta and satin.

Me & Ro makes customized pendants out of a variety of metals to suit your taste and price point.   The “TY” means “thank you”, btw and the small stones can be customized as well, to match the stone of the month of the event, or your bridesmaid’s birthstone….the sky is the limit.  This one has a deliberate tarnished look to it which gives it a more sentimental, hand-made look.