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“Fête-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en français) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

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I got married last year and my husband’s brother’s tacky girlfriend stole the show.  She has a hot (although, surgically enhanced) body and she wore an almost white dress that left little to the imagination.  My husband claimed not to notice, but I saw the gaping jaws and drool on the chins of male guests.  As a bride, can you tell guests what to wear, especially if they need help in the taste department?  I can’t do anything now, and I know this sounds silly, but I was hoping to be the center of attention at my own wedding.

-Eclipsed by tackiness

Dear Eclipsed by tackiness,

Are they getting married any time soon?  Maybe you can wear your wedding dress to her wedding to steal the spotlight back.  Just kidding.  Spite isn’t classy.  Besides, rest assured that you were the center of GOOD attention at your wedding.

Of course you didn’t think to tell your guests to wear more than a tissue to your wedding because 99.99% of us know better, and can properly determine what attire is appropriate, given the time of day, location, weather, etc.  Besides, you can’t really dictate what guests wear to your wedding; it’s not a themed costume party after all.  Only essential dress code requirements can be indicated on the invitation (“black tie” or “white tie” can be indicated on the on lower right corner, and only if the ceremony and reception invitations are combined).

To future brides: If you sense the potential for such a faux-pas, you can try the tactful pre-emptive approach: ask your fiancé’s brother’s tacky girlfriend if she has picked out a dress for your wedding.  When she excitedly tells you all about the sexy white number, hopefully she’ll get the message when the wave of shock and disgust washes over your face.  Depending on your relationship with her, her mental stability, and her motivation for said faux pas (malicious self absorption or general ignorance?) you can choose the appropriate path.  Would she take it well if you told her that wearing white to a wedding is in poor taste, or would the fiancé have better luck?  It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it!

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What’s making you fret?  Submit it to fête-i-quette: blog@nonpareilevents.com

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“Fete-i-quette”: a hybrid of party (en francais) + etiquette.  It is our fresh, light-hearted, reinvigorated, 21^st century interpretation of age-old traditions.

Question: I’m most bugged by RSVP etiquette or lack thereof.  People either never decide or they decide at the last minute causing a lot of uncertainty for the host.  On the other hand, sometimes you really don’t know what your plans are and then the proverbial maybe–is that better or worse?
Also, how many days before the event is appropriate to send invites-probably different for different event types?

-RSVPeaved

Dear RSVPeaved,

Remember when we didn’t have cell phones and email, and we had to do things like send paper invitations, or call the host (from your rotary phone perhaps?) to rsvp to a party?  And you HAD to honor your response because there was none of this technology to allow us to be so flaky, I mean flexible.  Evites have allowed us to be ambivalent because we don’t take them that seriously.  The virtual world has managed to diminish the sincerity of our actions, and has given us the latitude to be noncommittal.  Our reply can change with a whim and a click and ta-da!  Oh, something else has come up, well, I only clicked ‘yes’, so I don’t have to go to Martha’s Going Away Party.

For the frustrated host/ess:  We learned a young age that certain actions have inevitable bad results, and we didn’t even bother to tempt fate.  For example, if you don’t heed the warning on your hairdyer’s tag, and you use it in the bathtub, you’ll probably meet your demise.  If you stare at the sun you will go blind.  If you don’t wait 30 minutes after eating before you go swimming, you will get a massive, debilitating stomach ache.  Yet time after time, we refuse to embrace the fact that if you send an evite you will get “yes’es” that don’t show up, and “maybes” who are waiting for a better option, and then you will be annoyed.  When will we learn that trying to change people’s behavior is about as fruitless as trying to change the weather?  However, there is a way around this mountain.  We can try to guide our friends in the right direction by resetting the rules–a little good old fashioned passive aggression!  If you are taking the time to plan an event, and you want committed responses, take a little trip back in time, bust out the old pen and paper and send invitations in the mail.  You can still send a save the date email to alert your guests that a real invitation will arrive in their mailbox.  And for those really difficult ones who refuse to follow you back to the civilized 1980’s (so difficult!) you can send them gently-harassing follow-up emails, just to ‘make sure your invitation didn’t get mixed up in a pile of bills…or…something’.

Save-the-dates can also help to ameliorate the flake factor.  For a wedding or similar formal event, 6-12 months is preferable, especially if guests will have to travel.  Invitations can follow 6-8 weeks prior to the event, and be sure to ask that your guests reply by three weeks prior to the event.

For the flaky guest: If you are truly not sure if you can attend an event, decline as a courtesy.  There is nothing worse than an empty chair at the dinner table.  Keep in mind that if it is a catered affair, your friend is likely paying per person, so if you don’t show up, there goes $100!  But if the best case scenario happens and you can attend, let the host/ess know that things have changed and you’re so happy that you can make it but you also understand that it could throw a wrench in their carefully crafted and well-planned event.  Showing up at the last minute would be sort of awkward for all as your friend tries to wedge you in between the odd uncle and the awkward co-worker.

Over the years I have become very familiar with Michael C Fina, a spectacular purveyor of high end tableware, crystal, flatware and home accessories in Manhattan.  I have purchased many a wedding gift (as they are the place to register), and worked extensively with them to put the finishing touches on various clients’ homes (in my former life as an interior designer…).  And this week, I had the pleasure of attending their debut of Project Runway finalist Carol Hannah Whitfield’s bridal collection, as well as jeweler Tacori’s 18K 925 collection.

I was thrilled to be invited, since this event encompassed an intersection of my creative design worlds.

Exhausted Alexis fresh off a redeye from California, and the fabulous Carol Hannah

Both professional models and real brides showcased 14 wedding gowns and 9 bridesmaid dresses, coordinated with Carol Hannah’s favorite Tacori pieces.

It was fantastic to see that her PR castmates Logan Neitzel and Rodney Epperson were also in attendance, supporting her endeavors.

Happy designer with her models

To end the evening, Carol Hannah proposed a toast: “I design with all of you in mind. Through fashion I am able to be a part of one of the most significant milestones in a woman’s life, and that’s what I love about what I do.”  Ditto–That’s what we love about what we do too!